#0149: Baby Fences

Ah, babies. They’re cute. They’re cuddly. They’re the joy of their parents’ lives…

Developmentally, though, they’re a bunch of idiots.

They cry over the dumbest things, want to touch everything on the planet – most of the time with their mouths – and they want to roam just about anywhere, not realizing that some of the places they’d like to go can be quite dangerous.

For example: the kitchen.  An adult who walks around in a kitchen knows what things to touch, how to use them, where they go, and how not to hurt themselves.  A baby, however, isn’t aware of these things yet. Instead, they see something that has cool colors or has a trigger to it, and they want to touch it. Never mind that the colorful item may be a bottle with mop cleaner in it, or that thing with a trigger is bleach cleaning spray that they shouldn’t put in their mouth unless they have a death wish.

Unfortunately, until a baby is able to have a better grasp of what’s safe, what’s bad to touch and where is safe to roam in a house, there’s nothing that can be done to save it from itself…

Oh wait, yes there is – it’s called “BABY FENCES!”

These fences are what allow parents all over the world to prevent their small child from walking around in places that can be dangerous. Kitchens, garages, office rooms with lots of plugs and things that can fall on them – they can all be cut off-limits to your baby by simply placing a fence in between whatever gap entryway your child would use to try to kill themself – er, I mean, “explore” – in.

They also serve another great purpose: to keep them in an area when you can’t have your eyes on them for a few minutes.  Need to go to the bathroom or run to the car and get something? No problem – just put your child in a safe place (i.e. their room), place a baby fence in the doorway, and BAM! Now you can piss and/or roam to the car without too much fear of them walking into a dangerous area of the house while you’re away from them!

Ah, baby fences… now THAT’S something to be thankful for!

– Aaron P. Taylor

This entry was posted in A vegetarian leaks., things to be thankful for and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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