People often think I have a unrealisitic view of how relationships are supposed to be.
Blame it on the example I had growing up: my parents. In the 9 years I was around to see them married (prior to my Dad’s death in 1991), I never – and I mean NEVER – saw them fight, argue or disagree with each other. I never saw one person try to embarrass the other one in public, or shoot down the other one’s life goals.
Now, some of you may think, “Yeah, but they could have been doing all that stuff behind closed doors.” And you could be right…
But you’re not. I’ve had many, many talks with my Mom about my Dad, and the general synopsis I’ve gained is this: she really, REALLY loved him (and he, her) and they really got along well, even when my brother and I weren’t around.
The few times they did argue, it was about things that were, in hindsight, probably mundane (and before me or my brother arrived), but they always agreed to (a) talk it out and (b) not go to bed angry. They were also never the type of people to get into arguments over petty stuff, or take an action the other person was doing that wasn’t to their liking as a form of personal attack on them. And, they were always willing to look at an issue from the other person’s viewpoint, and see if a common ground could be reached.
As a result of seeing this, my general idea for a relationship is that it should be relatively peaceful and drama-free.
Perhaps I should clarify: yes, the famous quote is true that “every couple is going to have their ups and downs.” But I think people have bastardized that quote to mean “every couple is going to fight, make up, fight, make up, etc.”
I think how people SHOULD read that quote is: “Life is going to throw you a bunch of crap that you’ll have to deal with, but you’ll deal with it TOGETHER, side-by-side.”
Because the reality is, NO ONE is ever happy being in a relationship with someone they’re constantly fighting with. Sure, the make-up sex might be great, but is that how you really WANT to live your life – 95% drama and 5% feel-goodness from sex? (Okay, if you just answered “yes” to this question, please stop reading this blog right now, go to the refridgerator and slap yourself with the freezer door.)
Unfortunately, there are so many people desperate to be in a relationship of some kind – ANY KIND – that they get themselves into dramatic relationships, yet stay in them because: “well, hey, at least I have someone!”
If you have the patience, you may have to shift through person after person finding that one person who doesn’t feel the need to fight you at every turn; who supports you and your dreams; and who is generally happy to have you in their life.
But when you DO find that person, it is only then that you can realize what my parents were able to realize: that being in a relationship where the person you’re with isn’t the cause of your life’s drama is truly, truly SWEET.
Ah, being in a peaceful, drama-free relationship… now THAT’S something to be thankful for!